By: Mahalia Hernandez
In January of this year, I was interviewed by CMPI alumni Mateo Estanislao’s mother, Lorie, on my experience in the program. As I reflected on my experience during the interview, I couldn’t help but feel touched by the warm and fostering community of CMPI. Not only has the program helped me develop my musical crafts, but it also helped me gain a significant amount of confidence that has helped me both in and outside of music. Without the orchestral level of support from CMPI, I would not be the musician I am today.
Life Before CMPI
My story with music began when I picked up the violin at the age of four. Although I fell in love with the instrument, the violin was something I did on the side. However, by high school I developed a deep passion for music after joining my school’s orchestra. At the time, my private lesson teacher was violinist and violist Ms. Zhanna Bullock. Ms. Zhanna created a strong musical foundation for me by teaching violin, piano, and music theory while nurturing me as her own. When Ms. Zhanna saw that I developed a deeper passion for music, she encouraged me to join CMPI.
After eight years of teaching me and growing a close attachment with her, I felt scared to leave Ms. Zhanna. I was unable to imagine not being Ms. Zhanna’s student anymore. Furthermore, I was terrified of auditioning. At first, I felt hesitant to apply and audition to CMPI, but after thorough research and careful consideration, I took the opportunity to join the program. To my surprise, I received an acceptance letter from CMPI a month after my audition. And little did I know that joining the program turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. For the next two years of my life, I was going to experience an orchestral-level of support that was going to change the rest of my life, thanks to the encouragement and support from Ms. Zhanna.
Life During CMPI
The orchestral-support of CMPI was apparent when I first joined in August of 2022, the start of my junior year in high school. In the first month of my fellowship in CMPI, I met my student navigator Becca Dora, my private lesson teacher Davis King, and my mentor Khelsey Zarraga, as well as James Hall, Sarah Vander Ploeg, and the many other fellows and parents of CMPI. For the rest of my first semester in CMPI, I got to know those I met through the program and was introduced to the college audition process, which would end up being the center focus of my time in the program. Although my first semester in CMPI went smoothly, I was unknowingly suffering from worries and feelings of self-doubt that I would come face-to-face with in the second semester.
In this semester, I struggled to determine a school that would suit me while dealing with the academic pressures of junior year. I felt troubled by the cost of education and wore myself out by emulating my classmates who excelled in academics. With all the worries that congested my mind, I was overcome with feelings of self-doubt that affected my first solo performance in CMPI. At my first performance, I had prolonged memory slips and was unable to play for passages at a time. I was devastated by my performance. Yet, Becca, Khelsey, and Mr. King jumped in to help me.
Around this time, I began taking lessons called “Practice Buddy Sessions” with (at the time) Northwestern Senior Violin Student, Natasha von Bartheld, and she, too, swooped into action to help me. Those that came to my aid during this rough patch directed their attention to my struggles with school and with my emotional state. Becca arranged times to discuss and practice overcoming self-doubt. Mr. King helped me on my college list while using our lessons to manage nerves through mock performances. Khelsey and I spent time together reflecting on my feelings of self doubt and narrowing down my college list. And I spent my Practice Buddy Sessions with Natasha on how to manage feelings of self-doubt on stage.
By the middle of second semester, I experienced my first instrument-induced injury, which was an infection on my jaw from the chin-rest of the violin. I was terrified, especially because I never experienced an instrument-induced injury and injuries were rarely discussed in the world of music. But I was fortunate that those who were already helping me extended their support towards my injury and the road to recovery. My first injury taught me to listen to my body and to never be afraid to ask for help.
Summer Camp
The second semester of CMPI was filled with many valuable learning experiences, and the progress that was being made in Chicago was brought with me to Summer Camp. The Summer Camp I attended was New England Music Camp in Sidney, Maine. As I was still experiencing feelings of self-doubt, I hid myself in the shadows, having minimal interactions with other campers and straying away to the back of my section for orchestra despite being assigned a front seat. This all changed, however, when one day, my dormmates and I found ourselves in our dorm’s common room and we began expressing our worries and concerns of how competitive, inaccessible, and costly education is, as well as sharing our experiences with academic pressure.
Through this discussion, I had an epiphany moment; I wanted to audition for schools that were accessible, accepting, and affordable. After this epiphany, I then began to modify my college list with a selection of schools, most of them fitting the accessible-accepting-affordable criteria that I would create. This criteria became important to me after witnessing how education is inaccessible for many young people, and how education became a tool for competition and profit. As a result, many students including myself felt immense pressure during high school.
After opening up to my dormmates, I felt more comfortable interacting with the other campers, and I began working on overcoming feelings of self-doubt during my time at summer camp.
When the final recital for the program was announced, I signed up to perform a solo Bach piece. Using what I learned back home and at summer camp, the performance was a success and was proof of significant progress.
I realized that despite how summer camp was unknown territory, the support I received in Chicago was extended to Maine, further expanding the orchestral-support I received from CMPI.
By the end of summer camp, I was equipped with new knowledge and a new understanding of the college audition process. I was ready to go home and finish my fellowship in CMPI with strength and momentum.
Senior Year
When I came home from summer camp, I shared my newly formed accessible-accepting-affordable criteria for my college list to Mr. King. In a matter of seconds, Mr. King recommended Roosevelt University in Chicago, to study under Professor MingHuan Xu. Fast forward a couple months later, Roosevelt University would become my number one choice after touring the school and having a trial lesson with Professor Xu. At my tour, I quickly became familiarized with the campus and I learned about the school’s mission in social justice. At my trial lesson, I felt gravitated towards Professor Xu’s charismatic and passionate style of teaching, and I felt comfortable and nurtured by her.
At the start of my Senior year I had a greater level of confidence. I especially had to push myself to newer levels of confidence when I became the concertmaster of my school’s orchestra. I also spent much of my time refining my college audition repertoire and performing it at studio classes, mock juries, masterclasses and recitals. One of the most memorable performances, which further proved significant progress from feelings of self-doubt on stage, was when I played my concerto piece at the CMPI November 2023 recital. Later that same month, I submitted my preliminary college audition tapes.
In the months leading to in-person auditions, my lessons with Mr. King solely focused on my audition repertoire and I met with Becca, Khelsey, Natasha, James Hall, and other CMPI fellows for mock auditions and juries. From February to March 2024, I had my auditions for Roosevelt University, DePaul School of Music, and Queens College Aaron Copland School of Music. I knew that college auditions were an ordeal for many musicians, but the preparation I received from CMPI ultimately helped me to enjoy college auditions. Furthermore, the support I received from CMPI helped me get accepted into Roosevelt University under Professor Xu’s studio.
However, after months of non-stop playing I experienced my second instrument-induced injury, this time a nerve injury on my right upper body. With increased awareness of injury prevention after experiencing one the year before, I took a break from playing to learn more about this new injury and what steps to take toward recovery. I luckily regained my ability to play before the end of senior year and I had the fortunate opportunity to do a solo performance with my school’s orchestra, gaining an even higher level of confidence.
As my fellowship concluded, CMPI hosted a send-off party for their graduating seniors. And just before college started, I had my last lesson with Mr. King, where I felt similarly to how I felt two years ago when leaving Ms. Zhanna. This time, however, I knew I was going to be in good hands. Through the support of CMPI, my transition into college went smoothly and I felt excited to become a college music student. In just two years, I went from a student full of self-doubt and fear to a student who has a greater level of confidence and a willingness to venture out.
Life After CMPI
The support I received from CMPI has helped in college. I have gained a level of confidence that I completely lacked when I first began my fellowship in the program. I have now been able to play for audiences and overcome feelings of self-doubt on and off stage. I have also set realistic standards for myself by not comparing myself to others, and I have also learned how to recover from instrument-induced injuries.
Attending Roosevelt has also been a wonderful experience. I have become acquainted with other musicians at the school, I am surrounded by a diverse student body, the curriculum aligns with the school’s social justice mission, and I have learned a great amount of repertoire. Most notably, taking lessons with Professor Xu has been an amazing experience. I have reached new heights through her teaching and I feel nurtured and cared for in her studio.
When reflecting on my time in CMPI, I can’t help but feel touched by the amount of support I received through the program. Even after my CMPI fellowship, I have kept in contact with those that I met through the program. After feeling deeply moved by the orchestral-level of support I and other fellows experienced through CMPI, I am inspired to get involved in social justice in my music career. I plan on spreading the CMPI mission by helping underrepresented musicians and to lift musicians that are struggling just as much as I did. I hope that by getting involved in social justice, I can witness musicians make a name for themselves in the music industry despite all the obstacles that they face. I believe that an orchestra of helping hands will be the key to raising a musician from the ground up.
Images
Images of Mahalia playing violin